Observations

Deck-building vs Deck-building

It’s been a hot minute since my last post, wherein I explained why I wouldn’t be doing weekly posts anymore, breaking one of the goals I set out with this year. But I promised to not just stop posts entirely, so here’s one that I had intended to do a while ago. It came to mind again after a fun weekend of playing games at PAX West, where one tends to have conversations about different games. This post is going to be a short explanation on how I feel about different deck-building games.

I’m approaching this topic in a similar way to how I talked about puzzle games a while ago. When it comes to puzzle games, I am always interested in cool mechanics and feeling smart when I figure something out, but I tend to gravitate towards puzzle games that are more meditative rather than difficult. Now that I have played a number of “deck-building” games, I find that I also gravitate towards certain kinds versus others.

I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m not going to be using deck-building in the strictest sense of the term. In this context I’m using it to mean any game that involves playing with a deck of cards that are built using a subset of the full range of available cards, either during or before a game. So I am talking about games like Dominion, which is a pure deck-building game, and games like Magic: The Gathering, which falls under collectible card game. Why include both of these genres? Well, as you might have already guessed, I like one and not the other.

And when I say I don’t like one side of these games, it has very little to do with the game itself. If I sit down to play a game with a deck of cards that all do different things, I’m going to have a good time with it. From this you can probably also now guess that it’s the stuff outside of the game that I don’t like. Believe me, I really want to love games like Magic and Hearthstone because they really are fun to play. But I just can’t get into spending the time it takes to build decks outside the game. I find it tedious and stressful.

What I love so much about Dominion is that, even though there are hundreds of different cards you can have in a game, you don’t have to worry about all of them when you sit down to play. You get a subset and that’s all that matters for the game at hand. So forming a strategy around what cards to get happens during the early part of the game and it doesn’t take a large amount of effort because of the limited pool. At any given time Magic and Hearthstone also have hundreds of cards, but you have to look at the whole thing and figure out what to get before you even sit down to play. Sure you could get around this by just looking up successful decks, but that’s removing a big part of the game’s appeal. Some people love it, but it’s not for me.

This was not much of a surprise to me since I’ve known it for years. I haven’t tried to pick up Magic at all because I knew in high school that it wasn’t for me. Hearthstone I’ve dipped into a couple times, but each time I remember why I bounced off before. It’s really more FOMO than anything else that keeps me wanting to get into it, so I need to get better at simply ignoring that impulse. Especially when I have other deck-building games that I do actually like.

The real reason the topic came to mind a few months ago was because I had been starting to dabble in more games that have deck-building mechanics as part of a larger game. And the distinction between the ones I really got into and the ones I didn’t is basically the same.

The first one that piqued my interest was Slay the Spire, back when it had just gotten into early access. Not because I was excited for it, but because everyone I knew was raving about it. And I can see why. Though I haven’t put as much time into it as I would like, it definitely scratches that itch. Rogue-likes are another genre of games that tend to be hit or miss for me, so I was pleasantly surprised that it turns out to work very well with building a deck to fight sets of monsters. Like other good deck-building games, it starts out with standard stuff and you get choices as you go along about what to do so you don’t have to think too much about it. After enough plays you know the cards enough to know when to skip taking new stuff since you don’t want an overfilled deck. There is also some sense of persistence between plays, though I prefer more in my rogue-likes. But on the whole I really like it, and I would play it more if the runs were shorter.

A while after that another game that used a deck of cards to do combat in a single-player game came out, Steamworld Quest. It wasn’t as widely talked about as Slay the Spire, but what I heard from people who did play it was that it was like Slay the Spire with a real RPG wrapped around it. I figured, I like both of those things, so I gave it a shot. For the first five hours or so I was enjoying it, though I quickly realized it wasn’t quite the Slay the Spire I heard about. Then after another five hours, I realized it was actually Hearthstone with an RPG wrapped around it. Yes, the combat is fun enough to keep me interested, but the actual deck-building part is not fun for the same reason I don’t like making decks in Magic. Too many characters with too many cards, and the deck you build is way too small to have any real fun with the cards you get. Maybe that changes later in the game and you get to have more cards or abilities that let you do more, but I don’t know if I want to play enough to find out.

In a similar vein, another game I got right around the same time was the digital copy of Pathfinder: Adventures. Definitely not the kind of game I would buy the physical copy of, but as a digital game it works well enough. Since it’s a board game rather than a video game, it’s closer in my mind to a game like Gloomhaven than Steamworld Quest, but when you play it digitally where you control all the characters, it does get closer to the latter. What makes Adventures a little more compelling for me is that it does a better job of keeping the options limited, so I’m not building decks outside the game as much. Each character is limited to a small set of cards they can take into battle like Steamworld Quest, but you figure out what cards to put into it after each scenario, so you’re really upgrading your deck as you go along rather than picking a subset from a large pool. I really like that aspect, as well as the choices you have to make when you upgrade your characters. Where Adventures falls short for me is in the actual game part. After you play a few scenarios, you basically know how the game goes and it doesn’t seem to change much from there. That part is probably more fun as a physical game, though maybe not since the game isn’t that highly regarded. Gloomhaven so far scratches the same itch in a better way.

Speaking of Gloomhaven, I considered whether that counts as a deck-building game enough to include it as a comparison point, but I don’t think so. You don’t change your character’s deck of cards enough to consider it deck-building, plus a big component of that mechanic is adding more cards to it as you play. You will do that playing Pathfinder: Adventures, but not Gloomhaven. I do still like Gloomhaven a lot though, and will probably write a post about it sometime in the future.

In conclusion, Dominion style games are fun for me, Magic style games are not. I don’t know if I need more deck-building games like Dominion and Slay the Spire, as they both do their thing quite well and I don’t need a bunch of clones. But I do want more games that use card decks as a main mechanic to be closer to those than the Hearthstones of the world.

Honestly, if I had more time, that’d be a fun thing to design myself.

Getting Old: Sleep Deprivation

This might end up being a series down the road, so might as well get a dumb name attached to it. Obviously I’m not actually getting old, just older. I’m making my way through my 30s and noticing with each year how I can’t do the same things I was able to in my teens and 20s. Then I will inevitably go through the same process in my 40s, 50s, etc. But one area of getting older definitely came up during my trip to Ireland this past week, and that is that I don’t handle sleep deprivation nearly as well as I used to. So this short post will be about that.

The impetus for this thought came from the fact that my wife and I took a red-eye flight to Dublin from NYC, landing around 8:00am on Saturday. With the time difference and not being able to sleep on the plane, that put me at 20 hours of being awake, and the idea was to push through until the end of the day in order to minimize jet lag, which would’ve made it at least 32 hours total. Back in my teens and early-20s, that would’ve been easy as I have done it multiple times. But this time it was really tough and we ended up crashing for a nap at the 28 hour mark after nearly passing out during lunch.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that this means 28 hours is my limit for how long I can stay up now, as traveling does a lot to fatigue you outside of just being awake, but I don’t have any other data points to refute it and I don’t intend to try to get more. It seems to fall in line with how I feel on days when my body wants to just keep going all night, when it’s easy to go for a whole 24 hours before I force myself to sleep. But it is quite a bit less than my early days when I would go a whole two days, around 36-40 hours, without much trouble. Back then I would definitely hit a wall around the 24 hour mark, but if I could get past it then I would feel fine until the next natural time to go to sleep. These days the wall comes sooner and eventually I just can’t go any further.

Which is all for the better I suppose. I’m at an age where I don’t feel any real need to push myself like that anymore. In high school and college, I would use this ability to get a lot more done. Not necessarily for doing actual work, but for playing games and watching TV/movies it was really nice. And though I think differently about it now, I was convinced at the time that depriving myself of sleep wasn’t having that much of an impact. Especially during college, I would regularly go days or weeks on 3 hours of sleep a night, and I would eventually crash and reset with a night where I would sleep for 12-16 hours. I thought this was perfectly fine and a great advantage to me, though I know many of my teachers thought otherwise as I struggled to stay awake at times. I know I could never get away with that now, when even just 6 hours a night for a week leaves me struggling.

I guess one of the reasons why I think on this topic pretty often is that I still wish I could get away with it. I know that I can get away with sleeping 6 hours a night for a little while, but I can’t keep it up, as much as I want to make it work. Two extra hours a day to do stuff is nothing to scoff at, and it seems like it should be doable since I naturally wake up after 6 hours of sleep every day anyway. Over the years I’ve learned that my sleep cycles tend to finish at 3 and 6 hours, and then again at each hour after that (7, 8, 9, etc.). This is why the 3 hours a night thing worked at all. So most nights when I sleep, I will wake up after 6 hours anyway, and then I will fall back asleep and wake up at 7 hours, then again at 8 hours. Usually at 8 hours, sometimes 9 hours, I will be done sleeping and not be able to get more even if I want to. I just wish that I could always feel great and rested after that first 6. Sometimes I do (like today when I’m writing this), but after a few days I really need to get that full 8 to avoid fatigue headaches.

On the plus side, I rarely suffer from sleep deprivation unintentionally these days. I used to think that I was a partial insomniac because I would struggle to sleep all the time, which partly led me to intentionally depriving myself since I wasn’t going to sleep anyway. But now it happens rarely, and even when it does I can usually use one of the tricks I’ve learned along the way to force my mind to calm down enough to let sleep take hold.

In the end, I continue to wish that days were just a little bit longer so that I could take advantage of my body’s natural inclination to stay up longer than 16 hours and still get in the full 8 when I need to. I just have to make due with what I’ve got.

On Creativity

This week’s post might get a bit rambly, but I’ll try to provide some scaffolding to what I want to talk about. Incidentally, if you’re wondering why I would say something like that at the beginning of a written piece of work, it’s because I never go back through these posts and edit for content. They are all streams of consciousness and I just proofread for grammar and clarity. I don’t have time to go back and rewrite these to be essays. Which is part of why I came up with this post’s topic: creativity and how I try to make room for it in my life.

Creativity has always been a big part of my life, as it is for everyone really. We all just go about it in different ways. We may not all remember it, but almost all of us grew up with active imaginations because that’s just how kids figure out how the world works. We all grow up with books, movies, TV shows, music, art, and games that suggest new ideas we hadn’t thought of before, and it’s only natural to take those ideas and smash them together into new ones. And once in a while you come up with an idea that is completely new, and if you have the means to get it out into the world then it can inspire millions more after you.

For me growing up, the first outlet that I can remember using for my ideas was through writing short stories and poems. Of course none of my ideas were original back then, I was actually known for taking existing stories and modernizing them. I didn’t realize it at the time, obviously, but I was doing the common thing of adapting an old story for a new audience. It worked out pretty well for me though since a few of them were recognized for being really good for a kid, and one even turned into an actual play that my class put on for my high school.

During high school my outlets grew significantly as I started getting really into music, video editing, and programming. While I never actually got around to picking up an instrument until after college, my desire to play mostly began there when I started going to shows and seeing other friends play in bands. The video editing centered around mashing together songs I liked with clips of video from other things I liked. I had essentially stumbled into making AMVs (anime/animated music videos), and it was my music outlet for a while since I couldn’t make my own music. I did some other video projects in college, but nothing close to actually making a film. And as for programming, it was largely just making dumb websites and calculator games. Looking back on it, I didn’t see them so much as creative outlets as learning how to do it. Unlike my writing and videos, I had no real intention of having my programming projects viewed by others, I just did them for myself.

From college onward, the only real change was swapping the video editing with making music as writing and programming have stuck with me. While I had a great time making videos, it was too time consuming and it would only get worse if I wanted to improve on the skills I had. There’s only so much you can do with other peoples’ works, and to be a real editor I would’ve had to learn how to do effects and other advanced compositing that I didn’t want to learn. Learning to play, and eventually write my own, music was a lot more accessible and rewarding.

And that’s where I currently sit in terms of what areas I want to put my creative energy into. Writing, programming, and music. I know that I don’t have the patience to make videos of any kind these days, and I’ve never had an eye for visual design, whether it be drawing, painting, illustrating, or making graphics.

Of these three, the easiest one to do is obviously programming because that is what I do for a living. And as a job it is rewarding, especially when the end product is both elegant to look at (as code) and useful for others. The second easiest one is writing because it requires only something to write on and your brain. For the time being I am doing it all through these posts, but still aiming to do more. Making music is a little tougher now that I’m not in a band anymore. I have the means to come up with the music, but in order to actually listen to it I need to invest in learning some DAW software to make it happen. It’s either that or get a lot better at playing multiple instruments.

As I just mentioned, I do spend some time on writing these posts, but I want to do more. I would not qualify these as creative, I’m simply writing down what I’m saying in my head about a topic. It has been many years since I actually completed something that I would consider a creative work (the albums with my band don’t count here). Probably not since I did NaNoWriMo back in 2010. I find that rather disappointing.

What keeps me back? It shouldn’t be a surprise. It always comes down to prioritizing doing creative work over other things. I’ve been talking at length recently about passions and priorities, and the writing ideas I have in my head don’t quite reach either one of those driving factors. I think about the ideas all the time, particularly when in bed. Scoping out stories is the quickest way I know to actually fall asleep because it turns off the rest of my brain that’s constantly trying to relive past events. But, obviously, that doesn’t get me any closer to actually having a written story. None of the ideas are so good that I’m mindlessly driven to work on them, so I have to actively set aside time to work on anything. Sadly, playing games and watching videos are easier to do, so I default to those most days.

The nagging doubt is also always there. If I was passionate about these ideas, then I would find a way to make it happen. Since I don’t, then it must not be worthwhile right? This occurs to me all the time, and it’s a big reason why I have been okay with not pursuing these ideas for so many years. My stupid ego wants to see the completed projects because then people will praise my work, but it has largely come to terms with the idea that none of it will ever see the light of day. Making stuff is easy when you are young. You have all the time in the world and you don’t really care if it’s good or not. Now that I’m older, I have no time and my views change year after year, so I find it more difficult to believe that anything I have to say will matter.

I think that last point is the most poignant. While it is not required to struggle to make good art, it certainly helps. It makes it easier to empathize and create themes you want to get across to others. To some degree, the point of making art is to have other people relate to it. And I just don’t see myself as someone with a message needing to get out there. I’m a middle-class white guy, privileged as all hell, and have wanted for nothing my whole life. Basically, the last person anyone should ask for an opinion about anything. On top of that I’m not an expert at anything, so I can’t even come from that angle.

But at the same time I know that if I never get these ideas out of my head, they will never go away. So even if I have nothing important to say, perhaps it’s worth my time just to say I did it? It will always be a hard choice because I have no intention of making doing creative stuff my actual job, so the opportunity costs have to be weighed against just relaxing and having fun. Between time needed to work, commute, eat, sleep, and do the other necessities, I only end up with 15-20 hours a week to do what I want. And of course I want to spend some of that time being with friends and people I love.

I think I’m going to continue taking the fun for now. But I could put aside even three hours a week to work on some stuff, that’d be a good step in the right direction. I can spare at least that much.

Half a Year in NYC (Nightlife)

It’s been close enough to half a year living in New York City that I’m willing to bend the timeline a little bit. This is going to be another short post in what has become an ongoing series about how NYC is different from Seattle. This week, as it has been getting more relevant as the weather continues to get nicer, a few observations on nightlife.

The most obvious difference between NYC and Seattle is that bars stay open until 4am rather than 2am. I don’t know if it makes that much of a difference to me though since I don’t like staying up that late anyway. I’m at an age and place in my life now where I doubt I will ever close out a bar in NYC like I did many times in Seattle.

However, it does seem like this shift in closing time does have an overall impact on when people go out and how late they stay out. Maybe I’m not a good judge of this, but there are several areas where I’ve noticed this shift. In Seattle, when I would do a happy hour after work with friends or coworkers, it always seemed to die off by 7pm, no matter who it was or where we were. In New York, the happy hour often doesn’t even start until then, so the times when I have gone out with friends and coworkers after work, it will go until 9 or 10pm. I’m also used to weeknights ending around 10pm and having it feel like a short night. Now I’m getting used to hanging out until midnight on a regular basis, and it feels great.

The environment also plays a factor. Both in terms of weather and in terms of the city itself, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts. People are more likely to stay out later because it’s warm and bright out. People are more likely to stay out later because they live close by and it’s an easy train or bike ride home. There’s a cultural feeling here of gathering and having a good time that Seattle seems to lack. People like to talk about the Seattle Freeze, and I never gave it much mind because I never had those issues with meeting people there. But compared to a place like NYC with its density and diversity, I understand how some people get that impression.

I personally found the shift to be subtle, and I didn’t really think about it that much until more recently, which is why I haven’t spoken of it until now. I had to go to multiple places to realize that happy hours here last until later. It took months to realize that more people get out of work at 6:00 than 5:00, and it shows in how the trains are busiest from 6-7 and restaurants get crowded from 7-8. When I stop paying attention to what time it is during the evenings, I find myself surprised that I still feel great at midnight when I should be tired.

It’s all rather pleasant to be honest. I find myself wanting to be more active later and be around people. I don’t feel as rushed in the evenings as I used to. Of course I do still often wonder where the evening went when I haven’t done anything, but that’s beside the point.

There is a part of me that wonders if this feeling is largely because my experience thus far has been going from winter to summer. The days get longer and the weather gets nicer, so it’s easy to notice how that makes everyone more positive. We will have to see if this remains true in the second half of the year as everything reverses. I suspect it will stay this way until mid-autumn, but after that is the true test.

Teaching and Mentoring

This seems like a good topic to talk about this week, given that summer is here and I have received my first official intern at my new job. In my almost five years at Amazon, I witnessed five internships seasons, but was never asked to take one on. I certainly did my fair share of helping where I could if we got someone on our team, and it’s no real surprise given my history of teaching and mentoring. And that’s what I’m going to write about today, my experiences with mentoring and why I do it.

I feel like it’s easier to start with the why since that is what has driven the when. Even as early as grade school I knew that I was a teacher at heart. It comes pretty naturally to me and I have no issues with dropping anything I may be currently doing in order to help someone work through a problem. Well, as long as the person asking for the help actually needs it. I do get short sometimes with peers who can’t seem to do things on their own and require constant re-education, but when I know the person is new to something, I can’t help but want to lift them up.

Aside from being really good at it (or so I’ve been told by others), teaching is my form of service that feels the most rewarding. Other people give back by feeding others, sheltering others, fighting for others’ rights, healing others physically and spiritually, etc. And those are all great, but they aren’t for me. I’m okay just giving some money here and there where I think it’s most needed. Teaching though, that’s something I could have made a career out of. Even now, I’m pretty convinced that if I leave the software industry, I’m going to spend my time teaching what I can to others. While I certainly don’t have the time right now, I could even talk myself into adjuncting a class for a local college on top of a regular job.

My initial foray into teaching was simple enough. I don’t remember exactly who approached me about it, whether it was one of the grade school teachers or my parents, but everyone around me knew that I had a brain for mathematics. I was always a grade or two ahead of my classmates. So I was asked if I wanted to run an after-school math class for lower-grade students who were looking to advance beyond their current level. It was only one day a week for a couple months, at least that I can recall, my memory is not great so many years on. But what I do remember is that I had a great time. Planning the lessons, going over how to do things in class, grading papers, all of it. It ended up just being a flash in the pan as there were no follow up classes, but it was a spark of inspiration for me.

From there, pretty much until I graduated college, and even a little bit after that, I was always helping classmates try to understand things that they couldn’t get from the lectures. I never did any official tutoring, but I certainly gave a lot of unofficial sessions. Mostly in calculus, but there were also a lot of computer science topics I could teach because I had prior experience before college that a lot of others didn’t. Especially in classes where the professor obviously had no real world knowledge of what they were teaching (looking at you database administration class).

After college I had no real opportunities to continue tutoring or teaching. During my first couple jobs I was the junior developer on those projects, so I was the one being taught for the most part. But I did get better at explaining myself to peers and getting them to see my way of things. That skill has become super valuable, especially at my current job where I have more sway on policy and direction.

I didn’t get another chance to really teach until Amazon, where I took on more of a mentorship role. While I didn’t get any interns, I did have a couple official mentees, though I wouldn’t say any of them were really that fruitful. I put in a lot of work coming up with mini-lectures and project ideas, but with one exception they all ended before they could get going. The mentorship program there is designed to be driven by the person seeking help, so many people will say they want help but few follow through. That’s just human nature, and also the nature of a workplace where people are crazy busy all the time. So the mentoring was mostly off the books, lending guidance to people on the team who were still new to programming in a real company.

This all leads to now, where I’ve got an intern of my own. It’s a good thing for our team right now because we’re lacking enough development talent to keep up with the pace of the project, and it’s been proving difficult to fill the gap. It’s definitely going to be a lot of work on my head because I have to be there to help and guide him, make time for all my usual work, and I’ve also become the second-in-command for my team, so I have managerial stuff to take care of from time to time too.

Hopefully things will turn out well with my intern. After just a week it’s hard to say what he’ll be able to do in the two months we have him, but he seems to be taking everything in and is eager to make something happen. I’ve done enough work with college students through interviewing and mentoring that I feel like I should be good at assessing where to set stretch goals and where to ease up, and come out at the end with a finished product he can be proud of. We’ll see in August if I’m as good a mentor as I think I am.