It’s ironic how just a month ago I was pretty confident that I was going to be able to finish out my goal of writing a post every week. I am not so confident now. In fact, I am confident that I will not finish it out. That’s because I am intentionally breaking it off this week. I am just going to call it quits on this goal and move on.
Yeah, I know, I suck. As I noted in my mid-year goal update, I am relearning a lot of things that I’ve already learned over the years. As a whole, goals have never been very effective at getting me to actually do anything, and this year I am likely going to go 0 for 4. At this point the only one I haven’t given up on or moved the goalposts on is the album goal, but I can never seem to find the time to do it so I’m never catching up on that one either.
But as disappointed as I am in how this year has gone in regards to the goals, I also think it is important to know when it’s time to stop sinking time into something that’s not rewarding and find something else that is. For me personally, I think that constant frustration is a good indicator that something is not going well and maybe it’s better to leave it alone. And to be fair, one of my goals this year was to get better at letting go of things I’m not enjoying.
The act of writing itself has never been much of a problem. Finding time and focus can be tricky, but if there’s something to write on, it’s very doable. As I’ve said from the start of this year, it’s finding the thing to write on that’s hard. And I’ve gotten fed up with falling farther and farther behind because I just can’t think of new things to write about.
And let’s face it, none of this is my job. It’s a hobby. And hobbies are first and foremost supposed to be enjoyable, or at least developing a skill that can lead to something more rewarding. Writing is more enjoyable for me when I don’t feel pressured into doing it, and I have no delusions of thinking that getting better at writing is going to lead to a career in it. I honestly don’t even want that, I’d much rather keep my software career and leave writing as a hobby. Sure I want my writing works to be enjoyed by others (yay stupid ego), but I do not want to have to depend on it in any way.
There’s another reason why I want to shift away from writing these posts. It completely pulls me away from working on anything else creative. Not in terms of time, I have the time to work on both posts and stories, it’s just a matter of prioritization. No, it pulls away my mental capacity. I worry and fret about the posts that I’m not writing, and that makes it way more difficult to justify spending time on other projects. It’s the same nagging that you get when you procrastinate on chores you know you need to do but don’t want to do. I get enough grief from that, I don’t need to add onto it with worrying about arbitrary deadlines that no one is holding me to.
However, this does not mean that I won’t continue writing posts. I know there are at least a few people who read these regularly and I know they would be sad to see them go away entirely. Yes, there may be long stretches of time between posts from now on, but as long as I continue to set aside time to write, some of it will be spent on topics I think are working talking about. At the very least, every once in a while I will read/watch/play something that is worth giving a review on. Ultimately where I want to end up is posting excerpts from the stories I’m working on, or maybe even micro stories that can stand alone and don’t take too long to read.
I don’t want to phrase it as a goal because we know how those seem to go for me, but if I imagine an ideal situation for me with my writing, I see myself getting up every Saturday and Sunday, a little later than usual but still early morning, sitting down at my computer with some coffee or tea, and slamming out 3-6 hours of writing while grooving on some good mood music. By then my wife will be up and we can do some brunch and look forward to the rest of the day. Over time the work adds up to things I can release, probably a few times a year.
Obviously I can’t do this every weekend, there will be travel and other events that will get in the way, but it’s a nice place to be. I’ve tried the daily routine and it just doesn’t work for me, especially with how unpredictable evenings are. It’s a lot easier to do bigger chunks on days when nothing else is planned, especially during the mornings when I won’t get interrupted by others.
Honestly, I already feel a lot better after writing this all out. I did think I had a good chance of writing a post a week if it was limited to just one year, and I’m happy I was able to go as long as I did. But stepping away from the weekly deadline will take away a lot of unnecessary stress I feel, and I will feel even better when I’m able to put the time into actual stories instead.
Here’s to knowing when it’s time to move forward.